Saturday september 1st

It's the long weekend here in Canada and we are going to Canmore to visit my host mothers' mother today. We will be there until Monday morning.

It's so beautiful over there it's insane!
And I can't get it that it's like only 45 minutes from Calgary!

Will write more and post a picture so you guys are able to see it, not that it will make it justice with the iPad camera or anything but still; you guys can get an idea of how beautiful it is.

Should I or should I not?

Talked to my dad the other day about pilot school and how I should approach it.

My take in it all was to take a loan and just take the classes and get it all over with, but my dad said that maybe I should become a flight attendant first and during that time buy all the necessary books for flight school and read it and prepare. But that I should work as a flight attendant so I could get a feeling if I liked it or not?

I don't know if my way or dads suggestion would've better... I'm so confused whenever I'm thinking about my future, the more I think about it the more confused I get.

I really don't know what to do, I know what I want to be but how to get there is a whole another thing, someone else having that problem? Or is it just me?

Time flies so fast sometimes

I know I said in the last post that this is a 'slow moving job' kind of thing. But gosh the time does fly by! I've now been here for like 6months and it's only 5months left!!!!

I don't know how to feel about that to be honest, I don't really want to leave this wonderful family, but on the other side, I can't wait to start my life 'up' again. This au pair job is a very nice pause button.

And I do recommend it to everyone who wants to take a short break from their normal life.

It's very rewarding and you learn a lot about yourself and what you are able to handle and what you're are not able to handle. You learn to take responsibilities over your own life as well as another(s). And also you get a second family as well!

And all the new friends that you'll get! Yes, this year in Canada is one of the better years of my life :) and I don't regret a thing :)

I thought I would never hit that stage...

Well it finally happened! I got home sick today, gosh. I missed everything about home, everything!

I don't get it because I've been here in Canada for almost 6months now and I've never really felt homesick before.

But today...I don't know what happened. I guess it finally hit me that I was gone or something, I don't know haha. I must be really slow if it takes 6months for me to realize that I've been gone from home ;)

Haha it's so weird. Maybe I got homesick because I let myself think about home for more than 5minutes...?

But in some weird and twisted way (not really) I want to continue with my life, I want to go back to school and finish it and then start pilot school and finally start living my dream life ;)

Don't get me wrong, I love this au pair job and the family are awesome (love em so much) but its kind of a stand-still thing. I'm moving slowly forward when I really want to go in a very fast pace if you know what I mean.

See the positive in it...

A lot of stuff have been happening here, and I'm Sick and tired of it.

There gotta be changes here, and I have to be the one making them.

And if it doesn't get better, I guess I'll have to talk.

But there's these simple but small things and yet they don't do it/get it and I'll have to do it all by myself.

Ergh, frustrated! Just talked to my family and they said to see it on the 'positive side' how in the world am I going to do that when I'm
Pissed off?!

It's not like I can just turn my feelings off...

Ps. Why is that whenever I take a photo with my iPad, it changes the picture. Like if I'm turning left on the picture and take it, the result is shown as if I've taken it turning right... Stupid shit lol

Weird!

So, just logged into my google account so change my profile and guess what it shows?
-nothing! I obviously don't have a blog there....hmm I wonder why? And I've tried to fix it by giving my email and such but nothing either. It's so weird.

But I have a headache at the moment so I'm not going to try to fix it anymore. It's not like it's super important or anything but it just pisses med off!

I dream big and I dream loud, but is it just a dream?

You could say that all my thoughts are way up above the clouds. I want to be a pilot one day, and I've been checking the schools in Canada and they seems promising. The only downfall is that it's so expensive. But it gotta be worth it right?

Or should I wait a couple of years and work as a cabin crew on an airline and see if I really like it?!

Of course I'll like it, I love traveling. And I'm willing to sacrifice whatever (whitin reason of course lol)

I'm afraid that if I get the money for the pilot school that I will mess it up somehow, like I will fail getting the licenses and all of that. Or if I do get the licenses somehow that I won't get a job and it will just spiral downwards from there, putting me into a deep whole filled with debt?!

Am I too afraid to try? But I so want to be a pilot! What to do, what to do?